Restless

I am restless.

My thoughts and feelings jump and quiver in my throat, so I feel my muscles tense and relax, time after time. 

I thought I needed to work more and focus on paying my way to my future, driving down debts with endless hours of overtime. Part time jobs battling with sleep and basic house needs, and yet it is all complete.

 Exhausted, I am still restless.

 I have this shiver in my soul. 

This need for companionship that even the deepest connections don’t reach, after hours of serious life solving conversation and minutes of gut wrenching laughter that steals my breath and makes me ache for the joy to stay, I still need more.

 My mind is racing, and I reach out for those who brush up against my soul, purring at their touch, pleased by the sensation, confused by the echo left behind.

 I am empty, despite the love I hold within, it is not enough for my soul to sing. I am still restless. How do I fulfill this need?

 I have a roof above and floor beneath, I am secured, luck has been a lady or rather God has blessed the vigilant and I know my shelter is solid and heavenly protected, and yet where I used to hide in peace, I am still restless. 

This drive deep within always chasing me through my decades, pushing towards the purpose which continues to hide its face no matter how I beg for clearance. 

My soul is under attack the longer I go without knowing, yet I explore and experience, love and anger, back down from what is not meant, and chase what seems to fit, and I am Still restless. 

Where are the answers that keep my lips moving when my mind is meant to be sleeping, always searching, always yearning for something that I must accomplish but unknowing what I chase, I anger at my fate, this failure I have been forced to repeat until it gets the best of me.

 Patience, patience, they all whisper, careful what you pray for. 

Now don’t let this fool your mind, I have stacked goals on top of goals, laying them behind as I rage that they did not lead to the final stage. 

I am burning with the need to feel rested, but exhaustion, anxiety and restless has chains to my feet.  

Instead, I continue to engage, I have to pick up my tired limbs, as I age, and sway, try plan G, since A, B, and C, weren’t enough for me.

 God, please hear me when I speak, I am restless. 

I hope I don’t feel this way till the end of my days. I hope this isn’t the path of those who are made to create change. Tell me again what’s at stake.  

Written By : Writerreyes